Can you critique my cover letter? I need help!!?
Asked by STONE
I blanked out some of the parts so that people won't try and look me up and stuff. My name is (MY NAME). I am currently a Teller III at SunTrust Bank. Before working for SunTrust I was an Assistant Teller Manager at Wachovia in (BLANK TOWN ). I graduated from (BLANK) County High School in May of 2005. I am twenty years old and I have been working since I was 15 to support myself and mother. I would describe myself as punctual, efficient, determined, hardworking, a team player, organized, professional, and very outgoing. I love working with people and get along well with others very well. I am very interested in the position as a Sales and Service Specialist and would be delighted to speak with you further about possible career opportunities. Thank you for your valuable time. Sincerely, (MY NAME)

Best Answer:
I disagree with those responding saying you are using "I" too much. The cover letter is supposed to be about the writer and a place to state your strong points and it is ok to just talk about you. Dear Sir or Madam, I would like to offer my resume for your consideration. I am currently a Teller III at Sun Trust Bank and was previously an Assistant Teller Manager at Wachovia in (BLANK TOWN ). I take pride in my work ethic and am punctual, and strive to be efficient. I have always bee a determined, hardworking, team player, with good organizational skills, and a professional demeanor. I tend to be outgoing,and get along well with others. I am very interested in the position as a Sales and Service Specialist and would be delighted to speak with you further about possible career opportunities. Thank you in advance for your consideration. Sincerely, (MY NAME) I have reworked what you had written in hopes it will help you. Never include or disclose personal information on a cover letter, resume or in the interview. Although you have much to be proud of regarding your work history and supporting yourself and your mom, this is not something you should share in an interview. It is also redundant to say that you get along well with others. Also a cover letter should point out things not available on your resume. It is not necessary to say you graduated or where you worked if it is reported on the resume. However, the way you started your letter works. Good Luck!

Sounds good but every sentence starts with I..... Try to reword a couple of your sentences so they are so repetitive.
Answered by Missy

I would not put your age in there. I would also open with an attention getter... such as "I love helping people! or something to that affect in the first sentence. You definitely want to get their attention because they will read a lot of these.
Answered by eyeforlove

This is quite a good cover letter but I also agree with Missy,there are too many I's in your sentences.You should try rewording them.Also your letter looks like a typical cover letter,you should make it more personal and attractive.I am sure every applicant used the words "hardworking" and "determined" in their cover letters, and I'm sure the person who is going to be reading this letter is probably tired of reading these words.I'm not saying don't use them but you must market yourself more differently.Also try to include some post-secondary qualifications if you have them or at least say "I graduated from X High School in May 2005 with high marks or with exemption " or whatever the case may be but try to give a small indicator of how well you passed your matric,that might be important.But I think your letter sounds convincing,I wish you all the best of luck with your application.
Answered by Mbombela

Your content and length of document is fine. However, you begin and end with everything about you!!! Never start a cover letter with "I" or "my". Begin with something like this, "your recent ad sounds like a perfect fit for my talents." Then briefly compliment the company and qualify your skills based on what they want. Try cutting down on your use of "I". You have about ten "I(s)" in one paragraph. Way too much!!
Answered by sheri750